Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I hate myself I was like 'one piece of bread won't hurt' but then I had two more right after stupid stupid me. This will be my maximum calorie intake for the day.

I'm going to take my dog for a walk as soon as the sun comes out. I hate taking him for walks because be pulls too much so I get tired and want to go home early. I plan to go for a hour but end up going for 25 minutes.

Should clean my room too. The parentals keep buggin me about it. It will help keep my mind off food atleast.

I'll come back later to update my day...I think it'll be a good one.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

my fat stomach

89 kilos. This is what my stomach looks like.
How the hell did I get here...the last two days I over ate as if I didn't care about my weight and it was stupid because I put on 4-5 kilos. And I can really see it my body has expanded so much in the mirror. Tomorrow its a fast. I hope people at school don't notice, its not like they would say it to my face but I hate it when you can tell what people are thinking when they look at you. Worse off this guy I'm in love with will be at this party on the 4th of july I'm going to so I have to be thinner by then. Just have to wait until school has finished then I'm going to exercise and become ana again.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Fashion, Glam and Coke

I've never heard or even thought bout a shower making you want to not eat so I'm going to try it now thanks ancora an yasmine!

This video sort of helped too, its so awesome I wanna be one of these girls!!!

On the point of breaking....please don't break, please don't break!

Diet coke has bloated up my belly, and now I have that binging feeling and usually I eat everything in my way till I can stop. I just have to say no, SAY NO!

I can do this! My parents are having fast food for dinner...I will not give in, or all my progress for the last couple of days will be for nothing.

86 Kilos! fuck. Im losing it slowly but atleast Im losing it (pretty sure its water weight too).

It's really hard to stay on track right now because of school but I in two weeks I'll be able to give my body full attention again.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Shout at the devil

Thanks for your comments on the last post. What Laurdy laur said was so helpful, I'm going to keep it in my mind :

''think how amazing it'll feel when you've lost the weight and can turn those guys down''

Today I have done well with my points

Under max intake +10
Exercise +8
8 glasses of water +8
Encouraging teammates (which I still have to do) plan on +5

21 points for the day. Hoorah!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Today I had a terrible binge. I got my test out of the way so I thought I would celebrate by eating nandos. I hadn't eaten all day so if I hadn't had that I would have done so well. I really am a dumb stupid bitch. I cried for so long after eating, I was about ready to kill myself. If I would take it that far to make being thin be the whole worth of my life then why do I binge so bad everyday.

87 kilos. I am a fat bitch. I think that guy turning me down has really put a toll on me. I'm never going to lose weight because everyday I am going to binge and say ''I'll start the diet tomorrow.'' Which means I'll never have a boyfriend because lets face it guys are superficial bastards who won't go out with a fat girl, even a chubby girl.

I was following the weight loss comp, but I fucked it up majorly and gained weight instead of lost. I am going to attempt to get perfect points from this day on. I am going to exercise every single day and I am going to be 69 kilos my short term goal weight. Ultimately I want to weigh what a model weighs 55 kilos.

I was thinking I should give myself rewards every time I reach my goal weight. Clothing, dvds, cds, games things like that. And from now on I am going to take lunch to school and exercise
everyday and have salad every single day.

Wish me luck everyone I need it so bad!