Shout at the devil

Thanks for your comments on the last post. What Laurdy laur said was so helpful, I'm going to keep it in my mind :

''think how amazing it'll feel when you've lost the weight and can turn those guys down''

Today I have done well with my points

Under max intake +10
Exercise +8
8 glasses of water +8
Encouraging teammates (which I still have to do) plan on +5

21 points for the day. Hoorah!

Binged

Today I had a terrible binge. I got my test out of the way so I thought I would celebrate by eating nandos. I hadn't eaten all day so if I hadn't had that I would have done so well. I really am a dumb stupid bitch. I cried for so long after eating, I was about ready to kill myself. If I would take it that far to make being thin be the whole worth of my life then why do I binge so bad everyday.

87 kilos. I am a fat bitch. I think that guy turning me down has really put a toll on me. I'm never going to lose weight because everyday I am going to binge and say ''I'll start the diet tomorrow.'' Which means I'll never have a boyfriend because lets face it guys are superficial bastards who won't go out with a fat girl, even a chubby girl.

I was following the weight loss comp, but I fucked it up majorly and gained weight instead of lost. I am going to attempt to get perfect points from this day on. I am going to exercise every single day and I am going to be 69 kilos my short term goal weight. Ultimately I want to weigh what a model weighs 55 kilos.

I was thinking I should give myself rewards every time I reach my goal weight. Clothing, dvds, cds, games things like that. And from now on I am going to take lunch to school and exercise
everyday and have salad every single day.

Wish me luck everyone I need it so bad!

Worst feeling

I went to a party the other day of my friend s* and this guy who is a friend of s* was there, that s* wanted to set me up with. I don't know at all if he was into me, but usually if a guy likes you he'll just make his move. So I'm guessing no.... I'm almost definitely sure it's because of size. He even said he is 160 lbs (I'm 191 and he's way taller than me). I hate myself so much for being fat, I feel so sick today every time I think about the fact that he must of thought ''s* should have told me how fat she was''. I just want to die. I'm not eating the rest of today but from tomorrow I am going to work so hard to get my weight down. I'm going to try and reach maximum points on the weight loss competion. This is true motivation. I hate how many times I have been turned down by guys. I'm a 21 year old fat virgin loser who needs to lose weight if I want anything out of life.

A REALLY FAT GIRL SAYS HI

I've been reading everybody's blogs for a while now. So I thought I should make one finally so here it is. I'm really fat! I weigh 191.4 lbs and I'm a size 14. Last year I had lost a size, but I gave up when I got depressed and food and alcohol was my only comfort. And all the weight I lost came back including a size bigger than I was originally.

This time I have to lose it. I don't have a choice. I know it will solve all of my physical problems, here's a list of them:
1. Get a boyfriend (I have never had one, yep I'm sad)
2. Be skinnier than all my friends, who all share clothes and generally just make me feel bad about my weight.
3. Get into drama school at the end of the year.
4. Fit into tiny clothes.
5. Get my mum off my back about my size.
6. Be actually considered good looking, rather that people only seeing fat when they see me.
7. Have a flat stomach
8. have a bikini body