my new blog

http://becausethemirrorhurtsworse.blogspot.com/

I can't cut down calories

I tried to do 1000-1500 calories the last two days and I exercised by going for an hours walk each day but I still ended up binging which took it up to 3000 calories each day. I really hated myself for it. The guilty feeling came over me when I had salad for dinner from a full stomach and I lost control. I wish I didn't do this. It is the cause of all my hopelessness in weight loss. Also when I eat - even until I am full, I find myself hungry again in an hour with the same feeling empty stomach feeling, does anyone else have that?
In the last month I have put on about 10 pounds from eating normally. I am 198lbs. I wish I could eat healthy and people who keep telling me to obviously don't have a difficult relationship with food, they really should not assume everyone has the same. I'm in dire need of inspiration and advice which isn't the same typical stuff.

Gross

As disgusting as this looks I have to admit I'm not far off, if you can imagine 187 pounds on a 5'8'' frame its not pretty.

I really need to get my life together and losing weight is a big part of it. If I could just get rid of 20 pounds asap it would make a world of difference.

I've lost it before I used to be 217 pounds 4 years ago but I've taken so long to lose it like 5 pounds at a time that no one ever noticed except for a couple of friends I met up with after not seeing them for a year.

I don't even know why I binge it doesn't even feel good anymore. I have to say starving is feels way better.

Starting from this second I am going to fast until Saturday night -where I'll take a break for a party with alcohol. Then I will fast again until Tuesday. It will be easy too, my parents are away so they won't be able to tempt me with food. And I need money so I'm not going to waste it on takeaway and save what they give me.

BREAD WHY WHY WHY WHY?

I hate myself I was like 'one piece of bread won't hurt' but then I had two more right after stupid stupid me. This will be my maximum calorie intake for the day.

Bla
I'm going to take my dog for a walk as soon as the sun comes out. I hate taking him for walks because be pulls too much so I get tired and want to go home early. I plan to go for a hour but end up going for 25 minutes.

Should clean my room too. The parentals keep buggin me about it. It will help keep my mind off food atleast.

I'll come back later to update my day...I think it'll be a good one.

my fat stomach

89 kilos. This is what my stomach looks like.
How the hell did I get here...the last two days I over ate as if I didn't care about my weight and it was stupid because I put on 4-5 kilos. And I can really see it my body has expanded so much in the mirror. Tomorrow its a fast. I hope people at school don't notice, its not like they would say it to my face but I hate it when you can tell what people are thinking when they look at you. Worse off this guy I'm in love with will be at this party on the 4th of july I'm going to so I have to be thinner by then. Just have to wait until school has finished then I'm going to exercise and become ana again.

Fashion, Glam and Coke

I've never heard or even thought bout a shower making you want to not eat so I'm going to try it now thanks ancora an yasmine!

This video sort of helped too, its so awesome I wanna be one of these girls!!!

On the point of breaking....please don't break, please don't break!

Diet coke has bloated up my belly, and now I have that binging feeling and usually I eat everything in my way till I can stop. I just have to say no, SAY NO!

I can do this! My parents are having fast food for dinner...I will not give in, or all my progress for the last couple of days will be for nothing.

86 Kilos! fuck. Im losing it slowly but atleast Im losing it (pretty sure its water weight too).

It's really hard to stay on track right now because of school but I in two weeks I'll be able to give my body full attention again.